Weekend

Today I opened my facebook and then I enter my alumni group forum. I'm pretty surprised that some of my friends - the girls is going to be married. Well actually I'm not bothered to feel encouraged to make a relationship with someone. But I think, we're all have grown up this old as if I felt that we're no longer young anymore. Man we're still 23 average but my friends are keep making impressions that they're desired and eagerly to get married soon especially the males.


I also noticed an invitation from my senior when we're at college back then, well for them I think it might not be so surprising since they have reached their age. And you know what, one them was my ex-g lol. I didn't feel any jealousy though, instead I felt the same way as I saw my friends who will get married soon. I saw we're no longer yung anymore. As if we've been told by God, "Hey you have played around enough, now it's time for you to move on as well". As now I feel as if I'm drifting in the outerspace looking at shiny supernova with colorful nebula. As if they are telling me to come beneath them. Ah, maybe that's the least thing I can describe for my feelings right now. I feel no hatred, jealousy nor even enviousity.

I remember when I've underestimated my college back then. Resulting into my low gpa score. I knew I'd passed this 5 years college half-heartedly. Most of my friends have gone work while I'm still stuck caused by my own demise. Being late for a year than my friends, somehow I felt so lonely as if I'm not even as good as them nor even better. I felt nothing compared to them... until now... When I saw them on facebook, somehow they looked so damn happy. I wonder when I could feel the same way for being happy. You reap what you sow, yeah, it's much more exactly the conclusion I may have now.

I don't want to be fulfilled with high pride right now as I often saw myself being higher and something more than everybody in the past. I found it as hindrance from changes into better person. I stopped making status in my fb as well. I stopped from making any statements orally or literally which states my current life. I wanted to prove to myself that I'm worth of something. Something that's worth for making me happy and being greatful that I have lived to the fullest. That I have fought my best. And I don't want anyone knows what I've done even it's success or failure. I want to live following my own accordance, not by taking standards from peoples surrounding me.

For now I think for myself I still have many things to learn. While I'm still young right now, I want to see more in this world as I'm still alive now. Somehow now I feel that I understand the meaning of existence as time goes by. As people we know changes, as our surrounding changes. I realize how precious each day we live and how precious we need to experience our lives to the fullest.

I know this blog is rarely to be visited by peoples, the reason why I typed all of my thoughts right now. This maybe one of my vestiges I may be reminded someday. When I'm still from the early start, when I'm still a big zero and I hope, someday, I won't be just a big zero.