I should never thought it as good as I've imagined before. I was accepted as management trainee at futures company last week and start training since then. At first it looked very promising. Not about the income, but what we're about to do. We're taught how to analyze market. At first it was very chalenging, but then after I saw people worked there and some bitter facts, I couldn't help but to think the opposite.
The girl whom just accepted was directly signing contract and work there, while others including me will have to take more training. Yet we're all the same: we all have no basic knowledge on stock market. You know why? Because she's rich and she drive a mercedes! Suddenly I realized from what I've known before: The owners are chinese! Gosh no wonder their fraternity bond are so strong! In addition, most analyst are chinese and they are rich! I felt so dead since then. I felt like being slammed onto the earth from the seventh heaven. I knew everything was too good to be true... To find investor it won't be just any guy who can convince one and make them join. If he/she has good relation especially with rich peoples then no wonder if he/she will succeed then. Sigh...
I'm distressed right now, don't know what to do. I have no idea what am I supposed to do. To me when I look at them I felt like watching the sky the I could never ever reach. I'm just an ordinary guy from ordinary family. Until now I still a bit shocked when I remember what happened yesterday. My friend resigend just when we about to have fingerprint. I could understand if she hardly beared the fact that the workplace has extremely different environment, the rich peoples environment. And then there's a girl who'd just entered training that day and she was told to have fingerprint in the same day. Can you imagine that? What the hell is going on? I thought all this time the company wanted a smart, good employee. But the fact made me think the opposite...
Even though the owners are highly known and respected in Indonesia, the fact I found out before just can't change anything. Should I resign too? Or do I have to see what will happen next? Really I have lost my spirit to work at my best. Now I can hardly trust the manager who'd trained me before. That from nothing you can be something. From zero to hero. Does that thing really exist?
Now I can only ask God, what should I do next. I couldn't find any way out to resolve this. I can't figure out any. I don't know what to do.
I remembered I was highly motivated that I would become a Safety officer after graduated. But after sending job applications here and there, I struggled with my belief. After that I was trying another kind of job and since most jobs are marketing, I took them. I was interviewed by two companies the first is photocopy machine and all-in-one printing machine company. It is main distributor of highly known brand printing machine. While other is the company I'm on now. I took this because there're greater chance to success than the first. But I think I was wrong. And now I don't what to do. I don't feel I'd like to come back to the first one though.
What's on my mind now, I can only pray that God will guide me thoroughly in my whole life. I really have no other place to run nor place to tell my grief lamentation but to Him.
Bad or good who knows what will happen tomorrow...
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